“Write what disturbs you, what you fear, what you have not been willing to speak about. Be willing to be split open.”
-Natalie Goldberg from Writing Down the Bones: Freeing The Writer Within
My name is Brittany, most call me Britt. I am 24 years young, a mother to one sweet little boy, a writer, a dreamer, a constant cant-turn-my-brain-off mind wanderer, a book lover, crafty, selfless, compassionate, often sarcastic and witty, Chardonnay drinkin’ blond on a mission.
In 24 years of life, I have endured quite a bit of tragedy, painful losses, an abusive relationship, and battled things that others knew nothing about. When I was with my son’s father, I lived in a constant state of fear and anxiety. I learned to lie and hide myself away from the things and people that mattered most to me. I remember waking up every day wondering how I had arrived at that point…what had happened to the young girl with all of the big dreams and plans; the one that had a large group of friends, the strong-willed feisty young girl who never let anyone treat her poorly, the girl who loved to write, the one that LIVED to lift-up others (even strangers) who were down in their life. I suddenly over the years became the one who needed to be lifted up, the one who needed a friend, who needed saving. I had sealed my soul, said goodbye to bubbly, creative Britt and created a new version of myself- the one that someone ELSE wanted me to be.
It took me quite sometime to face the reality that was my life. It was only then, when I had escaped it that I was able to stand on the outside of that story and see the whole picture. I didn’t want to be a victim, I didn’t want people to feel sorry for me, and it was easier for me to continue sharing a false reality on social media, to family members and friends than it was to stand up, re-discover myself,
and SHARE MY STORY.
During those 4 years of living in that abusive environment, I had also suffered 2 very tragic losses in my life. On January 6th, 2010 my Uncle Barry, his wife Barbara, their dog Buddy, and my Grandmother were driving from Arizona towards Texas on a road trip back to Florida after spending Christmas here in California with us. They were traveling through Las Cruces, New Mexico when they believe my Uncle fell asleep at the wheel, and rolled their SUV 4 times.
My aunt Barbara is the only survivor of the accident.
Some of my favorite memories as a young girl were spent in my Grandma’s front yard on N. Pacific Ave in Santa Ana, California. I vividly remember warm windy summer days spent laying in the cool grass, playing with snapdragons, and watching the clouds float overhead. We danced in the kitchen to Elvis, Frank Sinatra, and I still love listening to Big Band Era music to this day, it takes me back to those very moments. She was my real dad’s mother who gave me the love and nurturing that he could never give me. She was tough as nails, a southern-belle, and one funny, charismatic, feisty lady. When her and my Uncle passed away, a large part of me went with them; or so I had convinced myself at the time. However, I now see things quite differently. As opposed to losing myself, I believe a large part of them stayed with me, making me the brave, strong, positive woman that I am today.
Pain to Paper means so very much to me because I have lived a closed off life for so very long, and I know first-hand how incredibly healing writing and sharing your story can be- and I am nowhere close to done sharing with you. I shed some tears, felt some anger build inside me, and even laughed a bit just while writing these few paragraphs. I thought I had lost myself over these last 5 years, but instead, I am unearthing the girl who has always been in there- one letter, one word, one page at a time. I want to hear your story, I want us to connect and learn to write and share like we never have before, I want to share positive and inspirational words with you EVERY SINGLE DAY so that you never feel alone, and you never feel silenced. THAT is my mission for all of us.
Put your Pain to Paper and join me.
I can’t wait to hear your story ♡